- Welcome to "Teen Talk."

I'm Rhonda Herb.

Adolescence is an important time for young people to get a healthy start in life.

The number of children reporting poor mental health issues, however, is increasing.

Building strong bonds and connecting to our youth can help protect their mental health.

Early treatment can help prevent more severe, lasting problems as a child grows up.

To more effectively recognize the signs, Valley PBS has developed "Teen Talk."

In partnership with local mental health experts and professionals, we're bringing the conversation directly to our school districts and our students.

"Teen Talk" gives our communities an opportunity to consider the importance of de-stigmatizing youth mental health issues.

Understanding the complexities of this topic and promoting dialogue with different schools will help you engage your own student bodies and foster meaningful conversations.

- [Announcer] Thank you to our "Teen Talk" sponsors: Fresno County Superintendent of Schools, Ascend Behavioral Health, Balance Kids, Learn4Life High Schools, CalViva Health, and Kepler Neighborhood School.

- Bullying is not a new topic.

But the use of technology to spread misinformation, cruel, unkind, embarrassing comments, cyberbullying is a new topic and a growing importance to our youth, and to our society.

This is "Teen Talk Today."

I'm Rhonda Herb, and we are at Kepler Neighborhood School with a great group of teens and adults to talk with you about this very important subject.

Kelly, can you get us started by giving us a basic understanding of what we mean when we use the term cyberbullying, and just how serious an issue do you think it is?

- Absolutely.

So with cyberbullying, what that means is it's pretty much a bullying that occurs in the capacity of platforms, such as social media platforms being Twitter, TikTok, Facebook.

- [Rhonda] And do you think you're seeing a growing concern with young people, with the people that you see in your practice?

- Absolutely.

Here at our practice, we have a lot of patients that come in with a lot of different stressors that occur in their life that surround bullying.

So whether it's happening at school and online with peers and all of that, some of them go missed, and then it creates more of a heavier burden on our kiddos that are out in the community coming to seek treatment or are struggling with bullying in general.

- [Rhonda] Okay.

Jay, if I may, you've been a teacher for a long time.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Many years.

- Yeah.

- [Rhonda] Do you see it as a growing problem?

Are you more aware of issues from the students that you work with?

- That's a great question.

Absolutely.

I find that since the pandemic, a growing number of teens are really engaging on these social media platforms.

And a lot of times they don't have other people with them as they're engaging, and so we see an increased sort of awareness of separation and difference.

And teens tend to highlight, especially in this middle school time, this middle school, high school time, tend to highlight the differences between each other rather than the commonalities, and that can provide impetus for people to say negative things, and also feel like they're anonymous when they say them.

- Guys, if I may, I'd love to hear a couple of examples from you, whether they're firsthand or examples from friends of yours, and I'd like to hear the social media that you use or think is the biggest concern and why.

Could we start with you, Katie?

Would you mind sharing?

- I think TikTok can be one of the biggest ones 'cause you can type anything you want and you won't know who it is and you just...

It's like you could say anything you want pretty much, and I think that's a big issue.

And me personally, I don't have TikTok, 'cause I don't see the point of having it.

But I think that TikTok is one of the biggest problems.

- So in the past when we dealt with school bullies, we knew who they were, their identity was clear.

And now we have the issue of anonymity, which somehow makes it easier for people to say things perhaps they would never say to somebody's face.

Do you think that's true?

- That is true.

They're using these different platforms to mask who they are, to bring other people down, whether it be making comments about them, spreading rumors.

It's just the impact that it has is tremendous on these kids.

- Yeah.

Jay, you were gonna add.

- Yeah.

Since there are more social media platforms being used, the idea that, as you mentioned, you used to know who it was, who was kind of coming at you.

And nowadays, teens feel a lot more of the ability to say things that, like you said, they wouldn't say to each other, or wouldn't be brave enough to say.

So in a way, the bravery isn't necessarily a positive thing.

- Kenny, how about you?

You have a story you could share with us?

- Some friends of mine on the game, sometimes they could be bullied for not being as good as some of the others.

They could be called trash, not good at the game, dog water.

It just depends on the situation or the app that you're using.

- [Rhonda] So a lot of pressure to perform a certain way, and easy to make fun of people who aren't performing at that level.

- [Kenny] Yes.

- Okay.

Olivia, did you have a story you'd like to share?

Okay.

So when people are mean online, the example that you gave about in gaming, why do you think they're doing that?

What's behind that?

- Well, there's a lot of things that could be behind that.

There could be a person that has been cyberbullied before on the game.

It could be they're just having a bad day, or they're just not a good person.

It just really depends on the person.

Some people just do it because they think it's funny.

- What's been your experience when you talk to patients?

What's behind it?

What's the reason for somebody deliberately being mean?

- I mean, it can just be different factors where they feel like someone's easier to pick on, or they have a reason to be picked on.

Or it can just be simply the fact of just a way of being malicious to someone, or it can be anything that's incongruent with self-esteem issues.

So there's endless and countless different reasons.

I think every bully has their own background or their own circumstances that's led them to bullying, and I think maybe our youth can talk more about that, and their own experiences and things of that nature.

- Jay, when you hear students talk about this topic, and it sounds like this school does a very good job of giving students an arena to bring the topic out and talk about it.

- [Jay] Platform.

- What do you think is really going on when students are deliberately being unkind and cruel?

- Well, what we talk about is the fact that some pain that a student has felt needs to go somewhere.

So typically what happens is someone has experienced a trauma or something difficult in their life, and they don't really have an outlet for that trauma or how to process that.

So what we try to let students know is a lot of times the bullies come from a position of being bullied themselves, or come from a position of being put down.

And so without a proper outlet for that, say art, or sports, or some way of getting rid of that pain that they feel, they just really pass that pain on to other people since there's nowhere to go.

So we say, in a way, like, hurt people hurt people.

So usually the most insecure people are the people who've had that damage, and then feel like they need to project that to someone else.

And social media just gives them a way of doing that without having to take responsibility for those feelings that they have on the inside.

So there's no real healing that's going on.

- Have you heard any particularly concerning stories that students have shared with you?

- Oh, absolutely.

Absolutely.

From the perspective of diversity, many of our LGBTQ students, transitioning, have had many, many difficulties.

Students who may have a disability also have experienced numerous incidents of bullying.

We do offer the ability to keep tabs on their social platforms, so there is a level of accountability here, but it's a challenge.

And there's always another way that people are figuring out to try to export the pain that they have that they haven't dealt with.

- Okay.

I'm gonna ask the students here.

Does anybody have an example of somebody that you know who's really been hurt by cyberbullying?

Somebody really been impacted by it negatively?

Can you share, Katie?

- Yeah.

One of my friends has been cyberbullied, 'cause as a teenager, well, as a girl, sometimes you can get, well, cyberbullied about your body.

And I just know my friend, she got bullied about that, and I just know that she got heavily bullied about it.

- Okay.

But she was willing to open up and share with you?

- Yeah.

- [Rhonda] And you think that helped the circumstance?

- Yeah, just opening up to me.

And she told me and I was like, "Oh," know what I mean?

And I just think it's not right to do that and it's not fair to the person.

- How does the school help students through this process?

What avenues do you have to bring these stories forward, share them with others, go to responsible adults and get support?

Maybe one of you guys can share.

- Down in the student support room, we have a lot of therapists that we can go down and speak to whenever we need.

If we're going through a situation that we need to speak to someone, they're there to help us.

They're there to help us mentally and support us.

In a private room, of course.

So we have our own private conversation, one-on-one with the counselor or therapist.

- [Rhonda] Okay.

Do you know anybody who's used that?

- Yes.

some of my friends.

- Okay.

Anybody else?

What would you say, Jeremiah?

- One of my friends, he's been bullied before.

I don't know why, but he sounds like a girl.

Which in my opinion, I don't care what or who they look like.

As long as they're a good friend, they count as my friend.

And they're bullied just for their voice.

In my opinion, it's not really who you sound like or who you look like, it's your personality.

- Okay.

And how do you feel you're able to support him?

How do you help your friend through that difficult circumstance?

- We play some games together.

- You play games together.

All right.

So having friends is a big, important part of it, isn't it?

But there are other things that I think your school does.

You mentioned the support room.

- Yes.

- That's what you call it?

But you said there's also a class activity where students are welcome to share stories.

- Ah, yes.

Advisory.

- Mm hmm.

Tell me about that.

- Advisory is a period where the whole class will basically get in a circle and speak about any stories, trauma that they might have.

And basically our teachers tell us beforehand, whatever is said in the classroom has to stay in the classroom.

And obviously, all of us have to respect that because the person is opening up to us, and they're strong enough to open up to us and tell us their past trauma.

And yes, advisory, sometimes we don't always have to talk about stuff if there's nothing needed to be talked about, and sometimes we just might play collaborative games.

- Okay.

I think Kenny makes an important point when he talks about being strong enough to share.

It can't be easy for students to do that.

And I'm guessing the first tendency is not to share, first tendency is just to hold it inside.

- Mm hmm.

Which we totally see that happening, and it creates a lot of stress for the youth that are struggling with bullying.

You know, being able to create a space like the school does for the youth, being able to go to a safe place that you can share your experiences, or just have someone that's not biased that can really listen and help you, give you the tools that you need to work on your self-esteem, work on that anxiety, and just build you up and make you a better version of yourself.

It's really important to be open.

- Jay, what do you think the school is doing that's particularly helpful to help the teachers and the staff be prepared to deal with this issue, which we didn't used to have to deal with?

- Absolutely.

Recognizing cyberbullying is a challenge because it is not something in front of us that we can just see.

But we see the effects of it.

We see the effects of it manifest in the behavior of students, also in ways that they talk to or refer to each other.

And so sometimes we can catch a glimpse that something's going on, and we get more curious about it and ask questions of the students.

We built a rapport with students and teachers, where students really can come to a teacher.

Every student needs to be heard, and every voice needs to be heard, but not every teacher gets every voice from every student.

It could be one student that relates to another teacher, or another teacher, or another teacher.

And we have different teachers who have different interests and personalities, and so students will gravitate naturally toward a safe place.

- All right, so I have a question I want each of you to think about now.

Take a few minutes to think about this.

What would be good social etiquette on social media?

How would you like to see everybody behave so that it could be a good, supportive environment for everybody?

What kinds of things do you post?

What kinds of things do you like?

What would be helpful behavior for you to share with other kids to make sure that everybody's being as kind and thoughtful as they can be?

Anybody have any ideas?

Katie?

- To make it kind of like stop and give everyone a saying of why should you be kind is that we're all humans.

We all have our different emotions, we have all our different thoughts, and we have our own each voice, and we're allowed to speak how we want and all this.

But it's not always good to speak at times when someone's really down and all that.

And just saying some stuff, like, think before you... Like the saying, think before you say something.

And I think everyone should remember that we're just humans and we have the same, but we also have kind of the same thoughts, and how we feel, and we all at the end of the day have the same emotions, and we need to recognize that we can hurt.

If someone hurts me, that's also probably how they'd feel if I was mean to them.

- Thank you.

Olivia, you wanna answer that?

- Yes.

How I feel that I'd like to see people act on social media is them to think before they send something or text, and think to themselves, could this hurt someone, or could I offend anyone to what I'd be sending?

- Jay, can you think of ways or times that you have seen students be able to turn this around and use the medium to spread positivity?

- Absolutely.

School activities that we have here, a lot of those are posted, either Facebook or sometimes Instagram, things like that.

And they are joyous activities, and they are things that spread positivity.

And to sort of link back to what Olivia and Katie were saying is this is an identity-forming time for students.

This is a time when they start to really realize, like, the other person has feelings the way that they have, and to check that and to run that through kind of a filter.

The question, is this going to hurt someone else, this is very new for them.

And to be in such a unique age where they can say something that can last for a long time, that same positivity can last for a long time, and those can serve for memories that students can take for the rest of their life.

So things like dances, and wonderful sporting events, and even some of the art that we have, students take pride in those things, and that lasts for them.

And that filter, like Olivia said, you know, is this something that's a good idea?

They're learning to employ that sort of self-reflective talk, which is really exciting.

- Can anybody else share an example of something that you personally have posted that you think led to something positive?

Something fun and upbeat and... - One time I went on Snapchat, I only post things that my friends can see, but one time it was Friday, and I just made a post about how it's Friday and I hope everyone's having a good day and all that stuff, and I got all my friends all day just commented about it.

- That's a great example, thanks.

Thanks for sharing that.

Okay, so what do we do to make you guys feel more supported?

As adults, as the adults and the professionals in the room, what would you like to see teachers, parents, adults, out there doing to help you guys through a difficult adolescence and into adulthood, and to navigate some of these difficult times?

What advice would you have for us?

- I would advise adults to maintain a good...

Maintain a good relationship with their child, or a child that they're on a personal level with, to maintain their emotions, anything that they're going through, and their life, basically.

It's important for anyone to really be socialized.

Or if they need to talk about something, they should be able to talk about it with someone on a personal level that they feel comfortable with.

- Okay, thank you.

Adler, anything you wanna add?

- Something that the adults can do to help support teens to be more safe.

I think it's for the adults to check up on them once in a while, like to see if they're doing all right or not.

And if they're not, to talk to them and inspire them to try to fix the problem and stuff.

- Great, thank you.

Ladies?

- For me, sometimes my mom will come up to me, like mostly every single week or couple days, she'll come up to me and say how... Like, she'll ask me how my mental health is, and I think everyone, their parents or anyone should check up on another person and see how their mental health is.

And also one other thing is, don't compare to someone else 'cause that also can hurt some other people and how they feel if you compare them to a person that is kind of like doing better than you, you know, that kind of hurts.

It hurts if you get compared by someone.

- Thank you, Katie.

Okay.

So adults, I'm gonna ask you the same question.

If you were trying to offer support to your patients, to the parents that you work with, what final advice would you have for them?

Let's start with you.

- I would say definitely, like the students have mentioned, like, being able to have a safe space to share, right?

And I think it's important that adults have a rapport or a relationship with their kiddo where they create a space for them to talk, and welcome that type of conversation versus shy away from it, you know?

We do see that students and youth, they wanna talk about it, they just don't know how.

So really educating staff, faculty, parents on how to guide that conversation and normalize that it's okay to check in with your kiddo.

And not compare them to how anyone else is doing, but really to see how they're really doing, both the check-in, school, just see how life is going and checking in on their mental health, being okay with asking it and creating that space to have that conversation.

- [Rhonda] Okay.

And Jay?

- What Kenny and Adler said, Kenny said about maintaining that strong relationship with your child is so important, keeping the communication open, doing that listening, and what Adler mentioned of initiating.

Be the initiator of the conversation.

Ask the questions, probe into, and Katie said, just check up on your kids.

I know culturally, some cultural aspects can shy away from taking mental health as something that's important to look at, and there's kind of some shame around it.

But there really isn't any shame around asking how you're doing, and just taking that initiative, keeping it open, keeping it light, doing a lot of listening.

- Okay.

Guys, I'm guessing there's nobody in here who wishes that your phone was taken away from you, right?

Nobody wants to just shut down completely, right?

- No.

- Right?

- Right.

- Okay.

You just wanna make sure it's being used for good, not for hate, to sow seeds of support and encouragement for other people rather than cruelty.

When you see episodes occur, do you feel like you can intervene and help your friends?

I've heard that peer support can make a huge difference.

When peers step in and support somebody and say, "Hey, stop picking on this guy, he's a friend of mine," often that bullying will stop then and there.

Have you seen examples of that?

- Yes.

If anyone would say, let's say they're talking smack to me, I will hear one of my friends step up and defend me.

One of my best friends, I would consider him my brother.

But stand up for me, say something back to them, be like, "Hey, leave him alone."

Or same thing for me.

If I hear anyone talking to my best friend like that, I would obviously step in and say something, not let it just continue and sit there and just listen.

- [Rhonda] Okay.

Thank you.

Katie?

- Like, growing up, I've always heard people, like, to my friends be rude, and I would always be like, I wouldn't hide it.

I would step in and be a better person, and go in and step in and say some stuff, like, pretty much to like back off, and tell them to back off, stop saying that.

Or I would literally, you know, stop it.

Just, "That's not okay to say that and you need to stop or something bad is gonna happen."

- Any final words you wanna say?

- It's very important to practice active listening.

I think a lot of the times we find ourselves speak...

Listening to talk rather than we should practice more listening to listen and understand where someone's coming from.

And also continue to spread awareness about cyberbullying and bullying in general.

How to get help, how to use your voice, how to find your voice.

And how to just be okay, and creating a safe space for youth to be able to come to someone when they really need help, and really recognize that bullying is... We don't wanna continue to create more trauma.

We wanna continue to heal.

- But we can start making a difference by having these conversations, by doing what we're doing together in this group, sharing your personal stories, sharing your ideas, and encouraging your peers and your colleagues to realize that our behavior makes a difference.

And we all have tremendous power in our lives, don't we?

We all have the power to be kind.

We all have the power to improve somebody else's life.

And everywhere we go there are people who need us to be kind and to help us get through the day.

So I wanna thank all of you for being here today and opening up and sharing.

It was very brave, and you guys are very special.

I hope you feel good about what you did today.

Our adults also, for contributing and providing an adult perspective, and you, of course, for watching today and for caring, and for doing a good job of listening to these conversations so we can hear directly from our teens what's going on and how we can help and support them.

Thank you.

(bright music) - [Announcer] For more information and resources, visit our website at ValleyPBS.org/TeenTalk.

(bright music continues) Thank you to our "Teen Talk" sponsors: Fresno County Superintendent of Schools, Ascend Behavioral Health, Balance Kids, Learn4Life High Schools, CalViva Health, and Kepler Neighborhood School.